Own your story so that nobody else can. I have learned to live by this standard. I am human, and honey, you are too. Should we continue to call the things we have done and now regret mistakes, or should we make an effort to call them lessons? After all, every misstep makes your next step just that much more meaningful. That much more powerful. As I sift through all of these Biblical women, whose stories I have been called to liberate.. I realize their pasts are forever owned. I begin to understand why it is important for me to uncover their good with their bad. Each of their life's lessons have been right there in between our sacred pages for centuries. And, they will be in between those same pages for years to come.
Some of those women were horrible mothers, they were possessed by demons, they worked as prostitutes. A few of them were whores, some were considered unclean, and several were ostracized by society. There were women who were victimized, and there were women who were victorious. There were women who were Queens, there were women who were servants. There were women who turned their lives around; who made the choice to be renewed. I own my story with more pride every time I uncover a valuable lesson from their pain, struggle, turmoil, and even bad decisions. So here I am owning my story, hoping that you will learn to own yours too.
I have made the wrong choices, knowingly. I have chosen the wrong path, consciously. I have denied reality, purposely. I have given my body, willingly. I have disrespected my name, carelessly. I have believed lies, selfishly. I sought revenge, and called it karma. I caused pain, and called it fair. I took advantage of others weaknesses, and called it the way of life. I twisted the truth, and called it wit.
At my lowest point, I pushed away my faith. I pushed away my foundation. I pushed away my truth. I lied to my own reflection. I hid my truth behind computer screens. I covered my pain with substances. I drowned my sorrows in the joy of the world. I built my happiness on the perception of my peers. I made a man my god. I made material things my purpose. I made everything that was wrong-feel right. I let others control me. I let unhappiness consume me. I tried to bring everyone into unhappiness with me. I watched others sink next to me. I dimmed my light. I denied I knew what light looked like.
I fell on my face. I released my shame. I left the weight of the world there.
I forgave him. I forgave her. I forgave them. I forgave myself- because my God forgave me. I learned to love myself- because my Lord loved me. I was washed clean- because my Savior died for me. I own my story- because I know it isn't about me.
I don't have it all figured out, but my life belongs to the ONE who does. My light is brightly lit now. I am proud of who I have become. I am thankful for who God says I am. I will still make mistakes. I will occassionally fall short. I will sometimes cause disappointment. But I no longer live for myself. I don't exist selfishly. I am willing to admit every wrong I make, whenever I make it. I was her, and yet I can still be me. I knew her. And now I know me. I did not have enough love to give myself, let alone someone else. Now, my love is on overflow- my source never runs empty. My past helped mold me. I can admit it played a role in shaping me. I can't love me, without loving it all.
Own your story, so nobody else can.
"1Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise." Psalms 51:2, NIV