My husband developed a pornography and sex addiction that escalated to prostitution. Lying and deceit abounded. Yet, committed were we both to overcoming the awful ramifications.

I didn't know how it would work but I knew that I wanted to try as hard as I could. I felt that it was God's will that families be together. I prayed and had faith that if God (and my husband) were willing, that I could be alright enough to keep going too. I know that isn't the outcome for many, and I wouldn't want to judge another in as devastating a situation. Just as I didn't know how it would work out, I may not ever know whether he's really free of the addiction or not.

Trust is something you'll have to learn to live without for a while, all you precious women suffering from something like this right now. My heart goes out to you -- truly. All I can really say is how I'm feeling and what I think of my marriage, and this much I think is true: For six years I suffered and struggled feeling that something was terribly missing. I rationalized marriage was just not all I hoped and imagined it would be. Then my husband confessed.

He was very humble and sincere and it was all actually a relief and kind of endearing to me -- beyond the painfulness, of course. I thought, oh good, that was why things felt wrong and now they'll be good again. Then he was more deceitful and cruel and emotionally abusive than ever before upon subsequent failures and relapses.

It wasn't as easy as either of us expected. But six years later today, none of those things are missing that I longed for in the beginning and the father of my children is my husband because of our unwaivering commitment not to give up, but to keep going together and overcome, and because of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Things can eventually become OK, no matter how difficult. Someone once said to me, "Everything turns out in the end, and if it hasn't turned out yet, it's not the end." Listen closely and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit for you, but if those promptings entice you to keep hanging in there, do so the best you can remembering that things will be OK in the end and striving to feel Heavenly Father's love for you -- and even your husband -- to keep you going in the meantime. All's truly well that ends well, thanks to the grace of God!

Labels: children, distrust, family, lies, pornography, prostitution, unfaithful