Saturday, October 20, 2007
My husband has been addicted for 8 years. I work with him - and he has opened up to me without fear of anger or recrimination. I believe we'll have this beat before too long. Maybe some women can think twice before they leave their husbands because of their mental illness. If they're trying to overcome, we ought to lovingly help.
Labels: addiction, divorce, Overcoming Addiction, Success
While I agree with you that our husbands will likely only be able to overcome with our love and support, I think wives need to have permission to be angry. They shouldn't STAY in that anger -- it will only continue to poison -- but I think there is so much of a feeling that it must be our fault, or that we shouldn't be angry, that we often stuff our feelings down until we feel like a shell.
I know that in the beginning, my anger came from feeling like I had been cheated of what I supposedly had been given: I had worked VERY hard to keep myself pure before marriage and thought I was marrying someone who was promising me the same. When I found out that he wasn't -- and the extent to which that wasn't the case -- I felt betrayed and cheated. And then, when my husband tried to introduce less-than-wholesome aspects into our intimate life, I felt even more so. I was angry that he was bringing filth into the home that I thought we were trying to hard to keep as a refuge from the world -- for our children's sake and our own.
That being said -- once I understood where his problems were coming from (abuse as a preteen, mostly) and could see that he genuinely wanted to get better, it was easier for me to forgive and focus on helping him. But, I needed time to be angry and to feel that that anger was valid.
My husband has been "sober" now for 2, 3 years (it's so wonderful that I honestly can't remember how long it's been) -- because we've worked together. Because he has forgiven himself and felt the Lord's forgiveness. Because neither one of us gave up.
Posted at January 17, 2008 12:52 PM
