About 3 weeks ago, I caught my wedding ring on something and a part of it got bent. I remember thinking with relief, "Bent, not broken. This can be fixed." I find this extremely ironic as only a day or two afterward, I discovered that my husband had been looking at porn again and had been dishonest with me about it, even given the opportunity to come completely clean.

The anguish I have been feeling flows through my body like the very poison that threatens to destroy him... About 4 years ago, I caught him the first time. There were a lot of emotions and promises, and I let myself believe that this betrayal would somehow go away. Every 6 months to a year, I would question him about it, and he would reassure me that though he wasn't perfect, the problem was in the past. My heart shattered as I learned that this was not really the case, and that he had lied to me. I was prepared to leave as I said I would, but he is working very hard at this relationship, and we have found a hope that we didn't know existed before. A friend of mine, who is in school studying the psychology of sexual addiction, suggested that we visit a website about sexual addiction.

We found answers and help there that we had never seen before. While it is not easy, and I am struggling to make it from one day to the next right now, my husband is working harder at our relationship than he ever has in 10 years of marriage.

He has committed to pay whatever price he has to for the proper therapy and is showing his commitment to me and our children every day. I have watched him shed many tears of remorse as he expresses to me that he is seeing how much this hurts me. He is even being honest about the little tiny things that don't really matter in life, and as long as I see that continue, I am willing to help him overcome this evil. While this has knocked the wind out of me, and the last three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster I wish I could just get off of, I do have hope...Yes, the pain is excruciating at times.

Yes, the anger creeps into my heart. Yes, I am exhausted beyond description and yes, I am fighting to find my self worth again. That being said, I realize that as long as we are *both* willing to fight this demon we can overcome it. As I look at my wedding ring, I realize my marriage is only bent, not broken, and this can be fixed. I am not giving up without a fight.

Labels: addiction, family, lies, Overcoming Addiction, Strengthening Our Marriage, Success